It's always a challenge to love people who have been hurtful towards us in some way. It may be that we have been ignored, or betrayed, or exploited, or someone has just been thoughtless towards us. One of the most common ways we respond to the hurt that we feel is to retreat. We want to move into a space where we are safe and our wounds can be healed. Common sense tells us that we need to put a wall around ourselves for protection from any subsequent action on the part of the one who has hurt us. Sometimes, when we have been physically or emotionally abused, we absolutely must put ourselves in a place where we are safe from harm. But whether or not we have any further contact with the person who has caused us pain, we still have to deal with our soul.
Memories are like cracked fissures in hot, dry earth. They run deep and are unpredictable, even untidy. They emerge at odd times, often when we least expect them. Phrases, looks, feelings, can skirt across our consciousness when we are completely unprepared. All of a sudden we find ourselves spiraling down almost against our will. We may feel frightened or anxious—angry or tearful. The person who caused us the pain does not even need to be anywhere in our physical orbit for these emotions to be let loose in us. This is the time for soul
Yes, it's a challenge to love those who have hurt us. But love is like a balm that brings peace to our soul. When the memories flit across the stage of our life and we find ourselves entangled in the feelings that follow, we might simply try to allow God's love to waft over us and over the one who has been the cause of our pain. In the heat of that divine love, we just may find our soul becoming still.
Learning to forgive was hard for me at the beginning, but after taking bible lessons with one of my spiritual friends, I learned to forgive and when I did I felt a great relief in my heart. If you do not feel anything it's because your forgiveness was not sincere. At one moment in my life I had hated my sister so much that every time I saw her I just wanted to beat her. One day my friend asked me, "Helene, why do you look so angry?" I told him about my sister who I hated, my spiritual friend gave me the best advice ever, he told me to pray for my sister that she get better, instead of nourishing my anger towards her. I prayed for several months and my prayer was answered , since then I love my sister for who she really is and can finally live in peace for myself. Prayer is magic when it comes from your heart.
Posted by: Helene August 19, 2008 8/19/2008 11:07:11 AM
Prayer for Forgiveness: Today, Creator, grant me the courage and the will to forgive the people I love the most. Help me to forgive every injustice I feel in my mind, and to love other people unconditionally. I know the only way to heal all the pain in my heart is through forgiveness. Today, Creator, strengthen my will to forgive anyone who has hurt me, even if I believe the offense is unforgivable. I know that forgiveness is an act of self- love. Help me to love myself so much that I forgive every offense. Let me choose forgiveness because I don't want to suffer every time I remember the offense. Today, Creator, help me to heal all the guilt in my heart by accepting the forgiveness of everyone I have hurt in my life. Help me to sincerely recognize the mistakes I have made out of ignorance, and give me the wisdom and determination to refrain from making the same mistakes. I know that love and forgiveness will transform every relationship in the most positive way. Thank you, Creator, for giving me the capacity to love and forgive. Today I open my heart to love and forgiveness, so that I can share my love without fear. Today I will enjoy a reunion with the people I love most. Amen.
Posted by: Sharon 8/9/2008 3:07:01 PM
I found that I had repressed pain and incidents that occurred when I was a child. When the Holy Spirit nudged and reminded me, I thought it was ironic that so much time had elapsed that the person(s) were likely dead. Still, it took time and prayer for me to get over the pain. Ultimately, I was able to forgive and relieve my own pain. Even better, I realized that God had foreordained that I would gain compassion and understanding of others who had been similarly abused and could help young children so that they would not take a lifetime to heal.
Posted by: Bettie 8/3/2008 10:32:01 AM
As I read this I couldn't help to think about different situations in my life where I was hurt by family members who I believe loved and care for me only to be truly hurt by them. Yet, I find that yes, I still care about one, that I even still think about his well being. I find that this true with most of the people I love and care for, regardless of how they have mistreated me in the past. However, I do change in my behavior as to putting myself in the line of fire so to speak. I'm cautious in remembering the happening. The hurt passes away with time. The forgetting becomes a new awareness of the person's personality and how to relate to them. I can still sit and laugh with them and feel good about them. Even help them with different things need help with. I may not like who, what kind of person they are, yet I still love them .
Posted by: 7/24/2008 11:32:01 AM
I have hurt others, others have hurt me. It seems like my life encircles between guilt directed at myself and anger towards others. When does this stop? I believe when I see myself as just a human being and nothing more, and the same for the others who have hurt me. We all make mistakes. I think defining one's self and other's as "bad" is not productive and drains my energy. I pray for mercy for myself, and understanding and forgiveness towards others. After all, we are all just human beings.
Posted by: Lainie 7/23/2008 3:37:01 PM
If we do not forgive those who have wronged us, then we will not be forgiven by God. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" says the Lord's Prayer. The lack of forgiveness in our own hearts leads to bitterness and resentment. Let go and let God.
Posted by: Marjorie 7/23/2008 3:07:06 PM
I have held resentments towards a family member for years. With God's help I have been able to set that aside and am a much happier person for it.
Posted by: Joan 7/23/2008 2:52:02 PM
God preserve us from assuming that some of the things and thoughts that have helped us must SURELY be of inestimable benefit to someone else. I cringe at the memory of some things I have "shared" thinking they would be healing for another person as they had been to me. Fortunately, love and forgiveness cover a multitude of sins, including being an insensitive ass.
Posted by: Max 7/23/2008 11:52:02 AM
Your idea of thinking of both myself and my "enemy" being surrounded by God's love is very helpful. It is more difficult for me to forgive someone who has not asked for forgivenenss than someone who has. Your insights are helpful. More please!...and thank you.
Posted by: 7/23/2008 11:12:01 AM
I have been asked by my spiritual director to do a journal that reviews my life. I keep remembering people whom I felt hurt me. The solution you offer is certainly the best. I need to see myself and the other, using the ideas of Henri Nouwen, as God's Beloved.
Posted by: Eric 7/23/2008 10:52:02 AM
My love, care and giving of self, unconditionally was accepted, and after many years thrown in my face. I use prayer and forgiveness to that person and I am mending, but still distant my self from that person, the love and prayers for that person continues daily.
Posted by: GiGi 7/23/2008 10:32:02 AM
and it is also very hard to love those whom we have hurt, real or imaginary, accidently with a bad choice of words when they repeatedly refuse to accept an extended olive branch. If God can forgive us, we should not beat ourselves up because some people won't.
Posted by: 7/23/2008 10:27:01 AM
I am the one who needs love and forgiveness for causing pain. My challenge is to love myself. I know that God forgives; my hope is that the ones I have hurt will open their hearts to forgive me.
Posted by: Rosemary 6/30/2008 9:12:01 AM
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